You're Welcome

This time of year sucks. The hustle and bustle and deadlines and sales and colors and advertisements and everyone is trying to get your attention so you'll buy something from them. It's overstimulating and makes me want to just shut down. Delegate and then go to sleep. But then delegate what because nobody counts on me for anything anyways. This time every year I feel very much incomplete and incompetent. Anxiety and I can't communicate well with people. My fear is that Christmas morning will get here and I will not have prepared something thoughtful to give to the people I love. Or that which I did prepare proves to be so utterly ridiculous that it leaves them wondering if I even care. I'm so friggin' easily intimidated. I really don't like it. But then when I think of the true meaning of Christmas, whose birth and life we celebrate ... it makes sense why I'm *supposed* to feel all this anxiety and insecurity and worry. And then on Christmas morning I know I will feel such relief and joy and contentedness. It's a similitude for the relief and joy and contentedness that the very existence of Jesus Christ and his gift to us, the atonement, will bring us when we are finished with our mortal lives. It helps me to endure the crap in life if I can understand and accept that there's a good reason for it and I'm providing a service by tolerating it in my life, maybe preventing someone else from having to go through worse crap in their lives. Fatal crap.